Myron Levy is alive!

After making my comprehensive list of men I wouldn't kick out of bed, which I did for the sake of posterity (I know I am not important and nobody cares except me), I put Myron Levy's name in the Google to see if he's dead. You haven't heard of Myron Levy. He never became the world-famous comedian he should have been. When I was fourteen, my parents took me and my brothers to Kutsher's Hotel in the Catskills. The war had just ended and my father decided we needed a vacation, so we spent two weeks at Kutsher's. I remember three things: the brisket was terrible, I had mosquito bites all over my backside, and Myron Levy was the funniest man in the world. I had never laughed so hard, or fallen so in love, in my young life.

Myron was chubby, prematurely balding, and wore terrible black-framed glasses and a black bowtie like the waiters. He had a funny accent, perhaps Yiddish, perhaps Chinese (or maybe he had a bit where he talked like a Chinese--definitely something my granddaughter Lauren would call "racist.") But when he took the stage, I felt, for the first time, like a woman.

I asked him for an autograph, which he scrawled on a green cocktail napkin. When I followed him past the tennis courts one day, he called me jailbait and told me to scram. Which I didn't understand at the time. I was a nice teenage girl! We didn't talk about those things back in those days. The following summer, we had to go to Florida, and then after that Cousin Harriet's wedding in Boston. The Cohen family never went back to the Catskills.

When I was married to Charlie, I asked him if we could vacation at Kutsher's, for old times sake, and he just laughed at me. The Catskills weren't good enough for that man, and instead he made me go with him to San Francisco. Anyone who knows Charlie knows why we went to San Francisco! He left me four years later FOR A MAN, Ivan, who was his partner for the next thirty-five years. (Ivan passed away last February--G-d bless him.)

Water under the bridge, I say.

But still, I've always wondered what became of Myron Levy. And now I know! He's still alive! He's 90, living with his family up in Albany. Still telling jokes, I hope. I wonder if he knows how happy he made me that summer. 1945. I think they made a movie called Summer of '45. It was a good year, if I remember correctly.

A Comprehensive List of Men Flo Would Not Kick Out of Bed

Wayne Coyne (musician, The Flaming Lips)
Ringo Starr (musician)
Alan Thicke (actor)
Tony Geary (Luke from General Hospital)
Maurice Benard (Sonny from General Hospital)
China Miéville (award-winning fantasy author)
Drew Carey (television personality)
Conan O'Brien (television personality)
Wayne Newton (legendary lounge singer)
Myron Levy (a comic she saw at a hotel in the Catskills when she was a teenager)
Jack Blum* (Oak Hill Retirement Community resident, Room 412)
Peter Dinklage (actor, Game of Thrones)
Dave Chappelle (comedian)
Tom Brokaw (NBC News)
Anthony Bourdain (celebrity chef)
Dick Cavett (television personality)
President Barack H. Obama (POTUS)
Bill Nye the Science Guy (science guy)
Robert De Niro (actor)
Brian Posehn (comedian)
Dr. Dre (rapper)
Jon Hamm (actor, Mad Men)
Ron Jeremy (nice Jewish boy turned pornography legend)
Hugh Laurie (actor, House)
Sam Waterston (actor, Law and Order)
Sam Lipsyte (novelist)
Steve Jobs (the man in the black turtleneck)
Richard Dawson (game show host)
Ben Gazzara (actor)
Leonard Nimoy (actor)
Yo-Yo Ma (cello virtuoso)





*Only man on list that has actually been in Flo's bed.

They Put us in a Threefer!

Tonight you can see the two of us 'old bats' performing live comedy improv at the Hideout Theater downtown.  They call the show a 'Threefer.'  That's because there are three performances in the same time slot, and they only charge you $3.00 US for the whole thing!  I have seen some bargains in my time, but this is a deal that would be fairly difficult to out deal.  I am told that the other performers will be a group called Shades of Brown and another group called Sarah 7. I am also told that we are not listed as performing tonight.  Instead they listed some fellow by the unfortunate name of Dick Rambuck. Don't worry.  That is a lie.  We are indeed going to perform.  You may purchase tickets ahead of time, but if you ask me it's a total rip off. They charge you a whole $1.00 fee just to buy a 3-buck ticket.  Save your dollar for hard candy, and just show up at the theater.  Much better deal that way.

Oatmeal!

Here at the Oak Hill Retirement Community, we take breakfast very seriously. I ate a cheese Danish every morning until Phyllis Carver moved in. She told the cooks that Danish are too fattening and had them taken away. Then all there was for breakfast was fruit and oatmeal! And maybe toast if you're lucky!

I was tired of oatmeal and want a Danish so I told Luis in the kitchen to bring back the Danish. And so he did.

Flo 1, Phyllis 0.

This morning's Danish was the most delicious thing I ever ate.

Hang 'em up girls!

Someone recently told me that wearing a brassiere would give you breast cancer.  Well... the Scientific American says that just isn't so.  I don't want to see any loose hanging fruit anymore!  Hang 'em up girls!!

Be healthy,
Ruth

Make 'em laugh...

Hello.

I have always believed very strongly that a good dose of laughter is considerably more effective than my damn diuretic. Science says laughter is good for you too. Here is a link to an article that says exactly that.

Be healthy,
Ruth

Battle-Axe has a web-log!

Well everyone. Thank you for taking a look at our web-log. We very much look forward to communicating with our ever growing fan base as we become famous. I am told that this is a very popular activity so here we are!

Be healthy,
Ruth